I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we're making bets on your personal life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
