Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
