Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
