its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
