Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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