I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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