my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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