I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
