He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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