Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
