Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
