and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
