hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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