that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
