then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
