I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
