I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
