I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
