I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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