Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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