Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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