Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
