JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am one with the molecules
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
