That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
