We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
