woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
