i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
