your room smells of hookers.
And success
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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