When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
