I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
