Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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