You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
