All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
