i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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