I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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