I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
third nipple confirmed
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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