I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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