If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize