I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
