Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
