my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
