id be glad to
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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