You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
