he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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