maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
