I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
