Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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