just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
