my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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