i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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