I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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