we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
