On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
