Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
