Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
