with your own penis?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
