Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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