the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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