1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
