the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
