he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
