I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
