You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
