the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
