who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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