he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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