Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
